Being sick makes you soooo pretty. Let me explain it to you.

So, as stated previously, if you would like to lose...say... 6+ pounds in less than 36 hours drink cough syrup. Its cloying noxiousness will deactivate your tongue and coat your stomach in a delightful slime. Not only will you not feel like eating anything, but if you try it will taste completely terrible.

Second awesome benefit: coughing incessantly is the equivalent of doing eleventy jillion crunches in a day. I counted. In a scientific manner.

Because I was a design student I know all about sleep deprivation in all its torturous degrees. While it is true that habitual sleep deprivation will slow down your metabolism, I have discovered that a 2-3 day bender every once in a while will actually cause you to lose weight. Why waste half your day sleeping, when you could be awake burning twice as many calories! Awake hacking your lungs out! Diesel!

Getting back to the not eating, since all you will be consuming is tea and gallons of water to get that fucking Robitussin taste out of your mouth, now is a great time for detoxing. All that water-weight you've been waddling around with will fly off as you cleanse your body with yummy green tea antioxidants. Nevermind that at the same time a putrid infection is festering in your sinus cavity and creeping toward your lungs. Liquid diet! Whee!


But Leesie, how are you going to look pretty with those bags under your eyes!
Try to sleep with your head elevated and lay on your back. Don't worry if you usually sleep on your side or stomach. As your will to live seeps out your nose, so will your desire to roll over.
Also, dab white, shimmery shadow on the inside corners of your eyes and curl your lashes. It will make you look more awake. If you think that sounds like bullshit, you obviously have never wielded a lash curler.

Ok, but blowing your nose every 45 seconds has got to make your nose red.
True, all that abrading is bad for sensitive skin. Use a moisturizer that is made for calming irritated skin like eucerin, aveeno, or just plain neosporin. Put concealer on the corners of your nostrils. This is a good trick in general because it makes your nose look narrower.

Dude, but you're so pale!
I'm not pale, I'm fair. It's aristocratic.

Ok, but seriously, how is being unhealthy going to make you pretty? Isn't that the opposite of pretty?
Beauty is suffering. I learned it in school. I have a degree in this shit.