Gettin' smarts

If you thought a hour long special about the history of cheese sounds boring you would be totally fucking wrong. I just learned all about how the balance of caseins, calcium, and acid makes mozzarella perfectly stretchy. Mmmm delicious chemistry. I mean, pizza. Wait, what the fuck was I talking about?

Thanks, Mom.

Mom: "If you did that [flunk out of school], you'd be in the nunnery! Although, you'd probably make a good nun."
Me: "Uh, really? Why on earth would you say that?"
Mom: "Well ... you're mean."

Hockaday friends.

over the phone:
Me: "We should meet up later."
Meg: "Ok, I'll give you a call when I'm done with dinner. Where are you going to be?"
Me: "Oh, I'm just going to be hanging out here in the house... writing you love letters."
Meg: "Are they going to be on nice stationery?"
Me: "Of course."
Meg: "Ok then."

one minute later:
Me: "MOM!! Where's the stationery?"
Mom: "Formal or informal?"
Me: "Uh, informal. The one with the golden retrievers on it."

two minutes later:
Dear Meg, I like you better than a large iguana, but don't tell Eric. I told him that last week, but I was just trying to get him to sleep with me. xo, Leesie.


There are about four things screwed up about all that. Try and count them all!

This about sums it up

"I really like you."
"I like you too."
"How much?"
"More than a large inguana."

25

I must be getting old. After 15 years I finally "get" Tori Amos' music.
Does that make me a grown-up now?
Ew.

Eeek! WTF!

Well, I guess I'm at least glad that the day xkcd ALMOST TOO ACCURATELY describes my life it didn't have anything to do with the velocoraptor running joke.



(But seriously, if you try to put "it's complicated" I'm going to bite you. And not in a sexy way.)

Consider desire

"Consider" derives from the Latin "to look at closely, to observe." Or, more literally, com- sidus, "with the stars."

"Desire" also traces its meaning back to the Latin word "to long for, to wish for," desiderare. Or, De- sidere: "from the stars."

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lyric

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I want your teeth to slip past my chin, to make me bleed and mark the skin.

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Short break for a moment of girliness...

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For me!
*squeal!*

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nerd.

Beauty propaganda

Ok, so I'm dying my hair, and after a long hiatus from conventional, drug store dye (meaning natural colors that are trying NOT to fry your hair) I was totally amused at Natural Instincts' new product copy.

The first step of hair dying is mixing the pigment with the activator. In this case, however, the activator is labeled "gentle activating creme." That makes pretty decent sense. It is, in fact, activating, although the non-Anglo-Saxon spelling of "creme" is a bit silly. On the other hand, I am very enthusiastic about it's purported "gentleness" which is totally why I bought Herbal Essences in the first place. Because if you can't trust a brand that asserts it's wholesomeness while not actually being organic, well, who can you trust? For serious.

So I can see what the somewhat superfluous words gentle and creme are trying to get me to think: that this slimy, strong-smelling concoction is actually going to be good for my hair. Punk rock. Actually, wait. Scratch that. Punk rock would be that time I slathered my hair in magenta Special Effects, wrapped my head in a dry cleaning bag, and slept on it.

The pigment ingredient, on the other hand, is definitely pushing the boundaries of redundancy with the extraneous wordage. It is renamed "color-enhancing colorant." Now, correct me if I am wrong, but the colorant IS supposed to be COLORING my hair, right? Am I really supposed to be impressed that the colorant is doing some coloring? And what is this "enhancing" business about? I don't want my hair enhanced, I want its genetically-determined color to be permanently burned away by nature's finest chemicals as if I am some all-powerful hair color goddess exacting my sweet revenge on melanin. Or at least like the chicks in "the Craft." Come on.

Ok, so maybe if you've never dyed your hair before you might fall for this, but keep in mind that you always get a small 2oz tube of conditioner with your dye. This coloring kit it trying to convince me that I am getting "a once a week" month supply of conditioner with my box of dye. Well, guess what, Herbal Essences, I might be an art major, but I still can fucking read and this "once a week Color Treat" is still 2 fucking ounces. Nice try. And no, it's not a TREAT. It's conditioner. And for your information, I'm going to completely saturate every ammonia-licious strand of my hair with the WHOLE THING of "color conditioning treatment" like I always do. How about that!

And what is with throwing in the word color one last time? Which words are even modifying it? The conditioning treatment isn't coloring my hair, I just did that. It's not conditioning or toning the color itself either, because I happen to know it's just a treat-- I mean, just conditioner.

I think what this all means is that I'm going to have to put some Manic Panic Nightshade streaks in to cancel out the hippiness.

You can take the girl out of the goth scene, but you can't take the goth out of the girl...

"pierce right through me"

Listening to Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" with the wrong person in a dimly lit cafe feels like I have a cactus lodged between my heart and stomach.

Stupid Monkeys

Wow, I've gotten hits from Belgium, New Zealand, and the UK by people googling for movie spoilers. Sorry, pumpkins. Just us narcissistic redheads, here.


In other news:

Dec 7, 2007

Aries- Someone may be overbearing in ways that make you uncomfortable, yet it's hard for you to confront the situation without creating additional turmoil. Nevertheless, things are not better left unsaid. Playing by the rules won't bring satisfaction. Be courageous and don't let others limit your choices. You can bend reality today if you are careful.

If that were any more relevant to my life I think I might vomit. Well played, AIM horoscope. This round goes to you.
It is so on. I am bitching everyone out today.

la Fee Verte

Jared Gurfein, who founded Viridian, agreed. “There’s no question they’re watching us,” he said. “I’m just not sure what they’re watching for. I hope it’s not for somebody to cut their ear off.”

There are two things you should know about absinthe. One, it's not a controlled substance like, say, cocaine. Wormwood, the purported hallucinogen is banned by the FDA. You will not be jailed, fined, or harassed for possessing or consuming it, it will simply be taken away from you if you are bringing it into the country. Trust me, I've had it happen. Secondly, the "legal" absinthes the NYT article mentions squeak by the wormwood ban because the herb is not present in the final distillation, therefore there are only minute traces of it in the bottled product. This technicality also makes the absinthe technically not absinthe.

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So, what is "authentic" absinthe? I am not the absinthe police. I have tasted probably over a hundred brands of absinthe (which is about 97+ more than most people writing about it in the NYT or elsewhere) and a good deal of them were either patently inauthentic or what could be more favorably termed "novelty."

If, however, you want an absinthe that is most like what Van Gogh was drinking prior to the aforementioned ear incident this is what to look for:

• The absinthe must be from France or Switzerland. This not to say that there are not delicious absinthes from other countries, but French and Swiss brands tend to work from Belle Epoque recipes and maintain more handcrafted practices. France/Switzerland is just where absinthe is FROM. Duh.
• The traditional alcohol content of absinthe is anywhere from 50 to 68 proof, leaning towards the upper end of that range. You will find absinthes that are much, much higher but you will mostly taste alcohol.
• All traditional absinthes contain grand wormwood and anise. If you don't like the taste of licorice, you are shit out of luck.
• A "real" absinthe will louche when you add water and sugar. The alcohol keeps the herbs suspended in the solution until you add water, then the drink will cloud. It's a popular metaphor in literature and art for the absinthe experience.
• Absinthe is not dyed green. If it looks like mouthwash, it's probably going to taste more like mouthwash than absinthe.

The best kept secret about absinthe is not these "legal" American varieties, but the Swiss blanches and la bleues. As the names imply, these absinthes are clear and will louche milky white and blueish opal, respectively. Despite not being the requisite emerald, almost all distilleries making clear absinthe are using very old recipes with an artisanal attention to the craft. Blanche and bleue absinthes have a slightly crisper, more floral taste and happen to be my very favorite.

Some absinthes that are widely regarded as being the "best" and that I can also personally recommend are:

• La Valote Willy Bovet. A Swiss la bleue from the Val-de-Travers, a distilling community in the alps that share the same alembics, but use their own recipes. All Valotes are excellent, but this is my favorite. Great looking label too.
• Un Emile. A very traditional verte from Pontelier, the "birthplace" of absinthe. A very herbal blend with a slightly thick mouthfeel.
• Francois Guy. A French verte and the perennial winner of the Golden Absinthe Spoon (yes, there is an annual Absinthe competition.) The herbs tends toward to woody and bitter. It is not my favorite-favorite, but very well-esteemed by connoisseurs.
• Libertine. Frequently places in the Absinthiades. Tangy, sweet, and bitter all at once, is very fine even without sugar.
• Verisinthe. Another good, layered flavor. Sweet and rich.

In addition, there are some pretty cool variations that, despite being a touch anachronistic, are pretty good:

• Tunel Black. It's 80 proof and will knock you on your ass, but what could possibly be more gothic than BLACK ABSINTHE?! It has a slight indigo louche and you can taste the cassis and berries used to achieve the black color when you dilute it with water.
• Mata Hari. The Austrians don't like anise, so if you don't either this is a nice alternative. Herbal with a slightly minty note. The gorgeous Mucha label is totally worth the purchase. Does not louche.
• Neuzeller. This 400 year old German distillery produces a series of Absinthes steeped with flowers to give then a unique, dye-free color and taste. I have the rose and it's a bit bitter, but you can definitely taste the flower. Comes in a to-die-for apothecary bottle.
• Salvia. Not an absinthe, but a liqueur made from sage. Interestingly, sages contains much more of the purported hallucinogen, thujone, than wormwood. Sage, however, is quite legal. Oh, FDA, you sillies! Very, very unique drink and highly recommended. It has a light, woody flavor.
  

  

A few other rules of thumb: do not drink Czech absinthe. I can't think of any brands that are authentic or don't taste like Scope. Speaking of Czechs, the "Czech ritual" is decidedly not period, but lighting shit on fire is always awesome. I would never, ever discourage someone from igniting something then ingesting it. So keep your lighters handy. Also, do not mix absinthe and cannabis vodka. Not only is cannabis vodka the most disgusting bile you will ever consume, I'm pretty sure the only thing steeping marijuana seeds in alcohol does is make the booze taste like it was brewed in Satan's spleen, ie, it will not get you stoned. Although, admittedly, that is not my area of expertise. Anyway, during a very scientific field study I determined that combining these two spirits will cause you to WEEP UNCONTROLLABLY for over an hour after you drunkenly trip and break the strap on your sandal. You know, FYI.

"I am Legend" Spoilers and Tormenting Walt.

scarletfvr29 (2:56:42 PM): are they supposed to kill Will Smith in the end? if it has a happy ending i'm going to be pissed
TrikWally (2:56:59 PM): i'd be surprised if they kill him
TrikWally (2:57:05 PM): isn't it PG-13?
scarletfvr29 (2:57:20 PM): but that's how the book ends
scarletfvr29 (2:57:34 PM): i mean, that's that whole fucking point of the TITLE
TrikWally (2:57:49 PM): soooooo haven't read the book yet
TrikWally (2:57:51 PM): but thanks!
scarletfvr29 (2:58:08 PM): oopsie
scarletfvr29 (2:58:25 PM): in that case
scarletfvr29 (2:58:30 PM): his dog...
TrikWally (2:58:31 PM): oh shut up

Scribbles.

F/W "Victorient" concept sketches.
Senior croquis book, 2006-2007.
prismacolor markers and pencils, guache, pen.



silk charmuese ruffled blouse, cotton twill cargo pantalets.
silk velvet tailored blazer. silk tulle and net skirt.



[woven and knit sketches with historical research.]



cotton sateen boned corset, ribbed cotton jersey wife beater, cotton voile bloomers with satin ties at thigh.
silk satin and black denim boned corset, washed silk charmuse ruffled bloomers. nylon tights and armwarmers.

Very well-dressed.

I don't know what the question is, but the answer is yes.
Gold stars all around, Johnny Depp.

Let's vent. Wheee!

Last night it was raining even though it was well below freezing which is just too perfect for the scene. Of fucking course I would’t even be able to appreciate the grace of some falling snow (SP reference!). Nope, just unequivocally dreary rain with exponentially miserable cold. Which is just so indicative of this little melodrama. I can’t even derive some perverse validation from it. Not even some sick, fleeting glimmer of “Ha ha, I win, I told you so.”

I am not dark and twisty. Ever. I am not fraught with regret, resentment, or disappointment. I have never wanted a do-over in my entire life. So a whole chit chat about missed opportunities, guilty conscience, and star-crossed love is not is my repertoire. But now, even though I was, am, and will be over it, here I am ranting about it anyway.

Obviously, the timing on this is completed fucked regardless, but really. Right now? This month? This week? This weekend? I’m busy. My internal monologue humming like like an aurora. I’ve got other stuff going on. The lightning bolt, the arrow, that voice, you know? THAT. I’m fucking busy. A big blinking sign flashing “the rest of your life, this way!” is right over there and it’s either going to Candyland or a grim, Brothers Grimm, ill-lit, darkly wooded area. Being moronically blissed makes a girl suspicious. I do, after all, have a history of leaping before i look. So, yeah. KIND OF OCCUPIED.

And now I know why that stupid Queen of Cups bothers be so much. Because I HAVE been like that and it’s fucking hard work. Being like that is a thankless job and so far all it does is make people more comfortable, more lazy, and take you for granted the more you do it. And then after, of course, without fail, they come back. But I am not a patient Griselda. I don’t want the last laugh.

Anyway, now it’s time for some of this:

AHAHAHAHAHHAHA.