Monday, November 9, 2009

Blaggity Blag Blag

Why, Helloooo! I almost forgot I had a blog for a minute, there.

In the spirit of rekindling let's revisit my to-do list posted Wednesday, August 6, 2008.

-Execute a perfect handstand, "scorpion" pose, and flip flop.
I've been working on this and can do a scorpion against a wall. So, not perfect, but working on it.
-Go to more gallery openings and museums.
I haven't been to many museums although I did have a painting of mine in a gallery and it was auctioned off in February, so that's pretty cool when you describe it like that. I also just got season tickets to the Dallas Opera so there's a healthy dose of culture.
-use up all my henna paste. (Any volunteers? I'm good, I swear.)
Forgot about that one. Just didn't seen that urgent I guess.
-go to more local rock shows.
I'm been to a fair share, although a large portion of them have been my boyfriend's.
-learn to swallow swords.
Gaaah!! Not yet! Soon, my yucca plants. Soooooooon.
-learn Latin.
I got side tracked by astronomy and math nonfiction from the library. If you had asked me 10 years ago if I would be reading about abstract math theory for fun I would have probably choked laughing incredulously.
-work on my front splits and try for a horizontal over-split.
As with the handstands, I am in a perpetual state of working on it. When I can get myself into a contort-ier position than my current facebook profile pic, I will replace it.
-tryout for the Dallas roller derby.
Wow, if you didn't know that I succeeded in this you have not talked to me in over a year. Derby has taken over my life.
-plant an herb garden. And not kill it.
I did! I did! Memorable garden goodies: lavender and sage vodkas, basil bread, mint mojitos.
-re-memorize the beginning of Beowulf.
Enough to weird people out which was pretty much the point.
-practice spinning poi.
I bought fire fans and perfected that instead. Hula hooping too.
-find bands/events that will let me make snazzy psychedelic posters for them.
Not psychedelic, but I did some art and plan on doing some more art for the SO's band.
-have a garage sale and get rid of all my old clothes and books.
Made $112 at Half Price Books. Next stop, Buffalo Exchange.
-practice vertical pole inverts and tricks.
Oh yes. Lots and lots. Made lots of new friend and embarrassed my old ones in doing so.
-audition as a performer or character at Scarborough Faire.
Meh. Fuck that. I was a performer at Six Flags Frightfest which is... not at all the same.
-celebrate pagan holidays in a bigger way.
Check! Go me!
-find some tribal dance gigs at clubs/bars.
I've had about seven since I posed the list, not including the month long gig at Six Flags.
-find some fire eating gigs at clubs/bars.
Same as above. I've made about $1000 this year putting flaming thing on my face. What a wonderful world we live in.
-find some go-go gigs at clubs/bars.
I'll continue my tried and true strategy of letting people offer me gigs instead of looking for them. Works better for everyone involved and insures the fun doesn't get sucked out of it.
-maybe find a tribal dance teaching gig (adults or kids).
Still working on it. I'm thinking after the Xmas break I might offer an intro Tribal Fusion.
-learn to ride a motorcycle.
I have a brand new Mustang so I'm pretty satisfied with getting around in that.
-visit places featured in Weird Texas.
God damn. I haven't been anywhere lately.
-re-learn to play bass
I've resigned myself to the sad truth that I am not a musical person.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Upholstry 101

I haven't had much time for anything else except moving and decorating and here is one of the reasons why. I bought a set of accent chairs on the cheap at Home Goods. The shape was fabulous, but the color and fabric... not so much. In my typical manner, I got it into my head that the apartment was going to have a Victorian circus-meets-industrial loft scheme which sounds cool but actually requires DIY-ing almost everything.


First off, I taped off the upholstery with saran wrap and painters' tape so I could spray paint away the nauseatingly ordinarily wood stain. I chose high-gloss cobalt paint kind of at random. I'm not even a big fan of blue, but it just felt right.



Success! Very shiny and much improved with minimal spray paint on things that were not meant to be painted. Of course, now I was forced to pick a fabric to cover up the awful sage and beige chenille that worked with the blue I had so hastily chosen. I wanted something jewel-toned in a luxe or exotic fabric that didn't quite match the cobalt so the overall effect would be more eccentric and carnival-esque.

I finally found a baby blanket remnant at Joann's that was a really furry, soft thermal poly. Not quite the velvet I had originally envisioned, but close enough and even weirder! The fat stripes sold me.
I didn't even attempt to remove the stock upholstery. Instead, I cut out rough shapes and pinned them on the chair, taking care to center the stripes. That is probably a really bad way to do it unless you're really good at eyeballing pattern pieces. And you should probably measure your yardage needs before you go shopping. After that, I nailed the fabric in place with upholstery tacks and trimmed off the excess.



As a final touch, I hot-glued (surely a furniture no-no) braided trim over the raw edges of the striped thermal. It added a good final pop of mismatched color and made the whole thing look more pro.

The final product!


Wednesday, June 24, 2009

missed me, missed me

Oh, lord. What a two weeks.
I spent most of it hauling furniture, building furniture, arranging furniture, painting furniture, and otherwise decorating my parents' beach house. My parents are good at lots of things, but the aforementioned tasks are definitely not any of them.
When you're a teenager you lament that your parents are idiots, but at 27 I am little crestfallen that it might be true in some cases.

at Target
me: No! Absolutely not! You cannot have that! Put it down!
mom: why not?
me: Why not!! It's not what we're looking for! You already have one! It's too expensive! Put it down right now or we're leaving!!!!!!!

Remember about two decades ago when that conversation went the other way?

Anyway, it looks pretty great, everyone's invited, pictures to come, blah di blah.


Oh, also...I tweaked my MCL but according to a top North Dallas orthopedic surgeon it will heal on it's own. Neat.

Also, also... I've been doing some illustrating which is going fairly well and not making me want to David Carradine myself. Ooh...too soon with the asphyxiation jokes? Pictures of pictures to come hopefully.

Not too many deep thoughts on life and love today, but fret not, yucca plants, it's about to all boil over and I've saved you a front seat.
Cheerio!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

solicited distractions

I desperately need to fall in love. With some music.
gotcha.

I have been pretty diligent in keeping myself occupied, but it is my nature to be overflowing with an ardent, insatiable 13-year-old's passion to pour enthusiam into things and it would probably be best if that thing were something intangible to worship. To keep my mind and tongue sharp I need to keep my throbbing heart furiously busy elsewhere. A devotion-worthy band is an outlet that hasn't let me down yet. It's so pure and clean and inexhaustible in its unrequitedness-- something I can't burn out. I think an object of intoxicating beauty that pulls my heart towards its cage of ribs so mercilessly that my brain hums and my stomach turns would help a lot of my problems.

I'm not even kidding

So, crazyinternetbitches.com is NOT taken.
I know, I totally could not believe it either! I use the phrase "crazy internet bitches" at least 10 times a day.

Ok, so, here's the deal, I think we can all agree this is the most awesome idea for an internet dating site ever. The beauty is the simplicity: who else populates dating sites BESIDES crazy internet bitches anyway? Exactly! It's cutting straight to the chase. And I know that all the dudes out there are really just looking for a crazy internet bitch. All the guys I know are ALWAYS dating crazy bitches. In fact, craziness and bitchiness are the two major qualities that will cause any dude to fall desperately in love with a girl. Try it, you'll see!
I can already think of DOZENS of people that should either be on this site or would want to date women on it.
Somebody, please get on this.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Druidess minx in a labcoat

So this interweb dating thing has a feature that suggests other members that have things in common with the one you are currently viewing. Sort of like, "if you like nerdygamerboy, try nerdygamerboy who goes outside sometimes!" Similar, but different.

Out of (narcissistic) curiosity I checked out what chicks are in my orbit. They are, in order: girls that are less sex-driven, less spiritual, less scientific, more old-fashioned, more old-fashioned, less kinky, and less sex-driven.

What algorithm are they using here? Are there seriously no sex-crazed internet skanks that are more kinky? I talk a big game, but I didn't actually think I was that raunchy. And there are no girls that are more spiritual? How is that possible? I mean, I guess I am pretty spiritual when I come to think of it, but superlatively spiritual? Also, scientific? I don't actually doubt this one, but I'm surprised that it is even a variable. Who is like, "I like so-and-so alright, but she'd be way better if she did/didn't know her way around the periodic table! Damn!"

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Some DTR...

... for people who will probably not read this.

Hey, Crazies: You are out of your flipping mind. Please go fester in your special brand of craziness elsewhere. I'm not sure what about me made you think that I would be receptive to your various neuroses, but you, as you are about many things, are ever so wrong.

Dear Wayward Acquaintances: You seem to feel no urgency in returning my correspondences, nor I yours. Perhaps I overwhelm you a bit. Unfortunately, this assumption of mine makes me even less likely to try to contact you, in turn. I'm quite certain, however, that if we resumed our tentative friendship it would pick up where it left off and be rather pleasant. Stalemate.

Oh, Select Favorites: Despite our differences, I very much enjoy your company. For whatever reason you seem to accept or be amused by my spiky defects in return for my moments of affectionate camaraderie. I hope you persevere in this patient attitude because I am undergoing an uprecendented phase of soul-consuming predatory behavior via the internet on which you met me (see above). On that magical day when the dust settles, you may very well be the last man standing.

Monday, May 11, 2009

new title?!?

weirdo: blah blah something about cutting blah
me: Cutting? GOD. That's so 90's. It's totally the poor girl's eating disorder.
me: Hey...poorgirlseatingdisorder.com!!!! Do you think it's taken!?!?

best. blog title. ever.
And no, it's not taken.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Statistically, It's not looking so hot

20: Estimated number of cute, scruffy, brown-eyed boys in Dallas.
6: Number of cute, scruffy, brown-eyed boys in Dallas that I know personally.
3: Number of cute, scruffy, brown-eyed boys in Dallas that I know personally and are available and do not appear severely mentally unhinged.
0-1: Number of cute, scruffy, brown-eyed boys in Dallas that I know personally and are probably ACTUALLY not severely mentally unhinged as opposed to faking well-adjustedness.

Friday, May 1, 2009

bones and lionesses

I've been spending a lot of my recumbent recuperation time thinking about my bones.
Wait, that sounds kinds of morbid. Start over.

Ok, so I've been sick-- just a cold, calm down-- off and on for pushing a month now and in this span of time I've lost, like, ten pounds. I'm pretty neutral on this occurrence.


Anyway, my body was already changing before that. A year older, new ink, and refined derby and yoga muscles sneaking and settling into prime position.

Only now I can see and feel this new structure.

I am sometimes surprised at my own strength, literal and figurative, but there is an unusual satisfaction in being able to see and feel the mechanism behind it-- particularly since most of my sureness of identity stems from artifice and creativity: hair, gesture, tone, costume, gait, language. Things I can control.

A note about my physiology, I carry weight pretty evenly all over my body. This works out great when I gain weight. Instead of accumulating in awkward places, it settles across my face, elbows, knees, back. My skeleton has aways been carefully concealed by a light cocoon, pleasantly even and supple, but generally the important stuff is folded away out of sight and tactility.

Now my architecture is displayed like a skyscraper, defiantly rigid against a pale, temperate sky. Stark. Modern. All upward thrust, progress. Will over physics.


These new muscles, these old bones that were hidden from me.

There is a novel, thumb-sized hollow next to my kneecap when I bend my leg at an obtuse angle. There is a strange, taut tangle of muscle the size of my palm on the top of each thigh which was formerly an undifferentiated expanse of hamstring and epidermis. I have a delicate pair of knobs perched ladylike and ovoid like bird's eggs on my wrists.

The broad, heavy spread of my hip bones is strange and precious like the archaeologist's prized skull: a mysterious artifact of an ancient and fearsome creature. The curves are audacious in their sure, solid thickness and yawn wide enough to cradle a fist.

Rather than exposed, I feel unveiled like the Sphinx unfettered from centuries of sand.

Friday, April 24, 2009

keeping occupied


I am an outline.

just gesso.
******thick, opaque chalk.

the line, however, is exquisite. ****sinuous. decisive.

I will fill it in with wet, viscous daubs straight from the knife.
********************alizarin crimson cadmium scarlet vermilion
********** ****pure pigment like blood






So, I've been painting lately. And making hats. Perhaps some pictures to come.

Friday, April 17, 2009

What Would Scarlett Do?

In the Twelve Oaks barbeque of my life, I have just shattered a vase.
Isn't this supposed to be where Rhett pops up?



Scarlett: "Why don't you say it, you coward? You're afraid to marry me. You'd rather live with that silly old fool who can't open her mouth except to say 'yes, no' and raise a couple of brats just like her! "

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Prophecy Older Than You

-or a Witch's Curse



You had a valkyrie,
a shield maiden
a warrior, death's swan.
And she demurred to you,
rested her head on your lap,
and shed immortal's tears on your behalf.

She would have raised her spear
in defence of you,
but better, she summoned her ancient squall for you.
For love
of you.

Who may dream of such a creature?
touch her,
belong to her,
possess her, the battle goddess?

You will never again behold such a woman,
never revel in such a mind,
never bask in such intensity,
never delight in such ardor,

never be as fiercely loved by anything.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Tarot

Knight of Swords: He is a young man with a clean heart and fierce courage but it does not good to confront him as he his too stubborn to listen. A young man with brown eyes and hair. Sign: Aquarius, Libra, or Gemini.

No. Shit.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Three of Swords








"These precious things,
Let them bleed,
Let them wash away.

These precious things,
Let them break
Their hold
On me."

Monday, March 23, 2009

Bedside manner

earlier today:
mom: Since you're sick, I will bring you home some soup from Central Market!
me: Thanks! *wheezes*

later today:
me: Mom, why does my soup have the label torn off?
mom: Well, it had chicken broth listed on the ingredients and I didn't want you to see it and get mad!
me: What!? You're a bag of dicks! Eh, fuck it. I'll eat it.

moments later:
me: *wheeze*What the fucking hell!!?! This has BACON in it! *kakak* You're a fucking jerk!! I'm sick and you're feeding me bacon!?!?!

later later:
mom: Ok, I'm at the pharmacy. Do you want NyQuil cold and flu or NyQuil cough? The flu one has antihistamines and the cough one has cough suppressant.
me: Whichever one doesn't have BACON IN IT!!!!!! *hack*
mom: *click*

Monday, March 16, 2009

Nonchalance

me: Eh, you're pretty cute... I'd hit it.
him: What? That's not how it works, I'd be the one hitting it.
me: Ok, well, I might let you hit it.
him: No, uh, I'd let you get it hit by me.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Chai-stravaganza!

Ok, the 6 teas a day ritual continues forward. Although I didn't have all these teas today, I did drink a lot of chai, my favorite flavor of all time, so I figured a run down of some chais I've had was in order.

Zhena's Gypsy Tea- Coconut Chai
Delish! It's very sweet and has a really spicy bite. You almost have to put some milk in this to cut the piquancy, but that's better than fine because the milk compliments the coconut flavor. A novel blend and very rich. Very recommended.

Zhena's Gypsy Tea- Chocolate Chai
LIke the coconut, this one is a big winner. I mean, what marketing son of God finally brought these two flavors together!?! This blend is smoother and not quite as spicy as the coconut. It has more cinnamon in it too. More unusually, it has a rooibos base instead of black tea which actually works great as the more robust, earthy flavor of the red tea goes seamlessly with the chocolate notes. I'm so glad something as cool as "gypsy" tea is as awesome as it sounds. There is no way not to love this tea.

Teavana - Mate Samurai Caai
This is a confusing tea which isn't too surprising since I have n idea what the "samurai" part is about. It's has the familiar strong, earthy, almost tinny taste of mate plus a whole lot of cardamom. It also has a strong, woody, resiny note almost like pine. This tea is more pungent that your usual mellow, winter spices and is better with just sweetener and no milk. Probably an acquired taste for some.

Teavana - White Chai
The delicate white tea flavor is so subtle that the spices really dominate this blend. The strongest flavors are clove and lemongrass. This is a tricky tea since white tea is notoriously heat sensitive and the tart note makes me unsure whether more milk or more sugar is necessary. Surprisingly, it is also good when mixed with the mate and strongly sweetened with no milk.

Tazo Chai
Much better than when you get the syrup at Starbucks. It's a pretty straightforward chai with a strong black tea flavor and an even balance between cinnamon, ginger, clove, nutmeg, and cardamom. It's good with no milk or sugar, but even better with honey and milk.

Stash-Chai Spice
Also a pretty straightforward chai. If I had to choose I'd go with the Tazo, but that might be because I like their packaging better.

Stash-Green Chai
Something about this brand's tea bags always has a musty taste, but I might be the only person that can taste it (Long story, I have a unnaturally strong sense of taste). Nevertheless, it's a pretty good tea. Ginger is primary spice which goes well with the grassy taste of green tea. It already pretty sweet and surprisingly creamy so I'd only add a splash of milk and a little sweetener. I'd like to compare it to the Republic of Tea's green chai which I haven't had yet. I feel like green tea is not the intuitive choice for chai, but maybe RoT can prove me wrong.

Stash- Holiday Chai
The "holiday" flavors are listed as gingerbread and rum. I don't really taste the gingerbread, other than the ginger flavor that already supposed to be there but the rum flavor is very strong in good way. It cuts the sweetness and gives it a smokier taste. It would be awesome loaded up with lots of milk and sugar. Suprisingly good, although winter teas usually are.

Stash- Double Chai
More of a good thing? Maybe. If you like spicy tea or feel like milk dilutes your tea too much this might be for you. The extra spiciness comes from more cardadom and a dash of coriander. It's also pretty interesting plain if you love cinnamon and cardamom. Be careful of brewing it too long, it will get bitter.

Stash- Vanilla Chai
It's kind of a misnomer. It tastes closer to hazelnut coffee than chai, but I like hazelnut coffee. It's got a nice toasty taste and not too sweet. Also awesome with lots of milk and sugar.

Teatime

So in an effort to organize the tea cabinet (yeah, we have a whole cabinet full of tea) I'm trying consume all the stray begs, sampler sets, and almost empty boxes. This has led me to the totally pointless plan of consume as many kinds of tea as I can a day. So for the rest of the week I'm going to have a cup of green, black, and white tea every day. In addition, I'm going to have a mate, redbush, and herbal tea too.

I'm sure Starbucks is pissed I'm not directing this urge toward purchasing one of their new tea products.

I feel like since each kind of tea has it's own purported benefit, drinking one of each will have some kind of salubrious effect. Since the experiment began yesterday I have lost 2 pounds which is probably from drinking about three times as much water as I normally do. Or maybe the 1.5 hours of yoga I did. I also woke up bright-eyed and bushy tailed at 8 am! Many of you many regularly wake up at 8, but I usually get rolling around 9:30 and that's only when I set an alarm. If left to my own devices I get up after 11am. So that is kind of a big deal. I also had the mental alacrity to write css style sheets and html out of my head with no editor all day. Perhaps the mild caffeine boost medicated my low-level ADD?

However, I'm mostly suspicious of claims like that and just like tea so here is today's tea recommendation:


Republic of Tea - Yerba Mate Latte.
Yummy! It's smokey and chocolaty. It would be a good substitute if you can't bear another cup of coffee today. I almost always drink tea with no milk or sugar, but I bet this would taste like a fancy latte as the name suggests with some milk and a little sweetener. Mate has a lot of caffeine so beware before bedtime. Finally, it has a volcano on the tin which is always fun. Mmm, lava.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Nesting

It's uncanny how Wiccan holidays sneak up on you. February 2nd was Imbolc (or the 1st or 5th depending on your calendar). It's a Celtic cross-quarter holiday and one I often gloss over being that I am not of Gardenerian variety of witch. Nevertheless, it's a solid enough holiday, the vestige of it that you might recognize is Groundhog Day.

Imbolc, or Candlemas, is sort of a placeholder in my mind. The point between the longest night of winter and the vernal equinox in March when spring is really getting into full gear. As the groundhog tradition indicates, it's a time to start getting ready for spring and pace yourself through the vestiges of winter. It a holiday of spring cleaning, getting your house in order, beginning to put the winter items away, and starting the spring gardening.

So anyway, I totally flaked on Imbolc. I had some plans and totally forgot about them. In the meantime, I've developed and unhealthy obsession with finding an apartment-- a plan that cannot be set into motion until March or April. Regardless, I've been torturing myself by filling in floorplans like crosswords and gazing flirtatiously at large kettles imagining tea parties for a half-dozen and other such rituals for domesticating of a space. All month I've hungrily devoured interior decorating magazines, rabidly dogearing the pages with pleasing paint and exotic furniture. I even doubled the size of my herb garden in an afternoon. It wasn't until I was longingly stroking a seven foot framed mirror at Home Goods that I realized what was going on.

Brigid, the patron goddess of Imbolc, had her hands all over this frenzy.

I thought I had skipped Imbolc, but it clearly hadn't skipped me. Retracing my steps, February 2nd was, in fact, the very day I had inexplicably taken a sewing break to peek at apartments Craigslist.

That's kind of the end of the anecdote, I guess. It's probably more charming if you know your holidays or could see me pacing around World Market with utter covetousness in my witchy eyes.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Who you gonna call?

So "Ghostbusters" was the midnight movie last weekend, and despite getting properly riled up about it two weeks in advance, I didn't really seriously contemplate making a costume until the day of. I KNOW, RIGHT? How could I be so remiss? Dressing up is what I do.


Actually it went down like this:

Me: (around 1pm)Um, if I make Ghostbusters costumes, will you wear one?
Meg: Wow, that's a real friend commitment. Will they be cute?
Me: Of course! Although I might not have enough time to make them....



Around 3 or 4pm I decided after a few minutes of web research I should get on this. Also, I wrote about the plan to dress up on my Facebook, and now HAD to deliver. I gave myself about 30 minutes to get to Joann's and back with a rough pattern, fabric, thread, and zippers. Meg opted for Venkman, I settled on Spengler.


5:15pm
I went about cutting out the pattern which was a piece of shit. It may have been the worse pattern I've ever seen. If you're wondering how a S-XL men OR women's costume can be finessed out of one pattern that answer is that it cannot.


This is not, by the way, the right way to cut out a pattern. Patterns should be cut flat on a hard, smooth surface but since I was free handing adjustments to the pattern as I cut this is how I did it. I also don't have a cutting table at my house. I also realized I didn't quite have enough fabric, but I just fudged some of the other pieces instead of making the jumpsuits into shorts. Because it's weird enough having to explain why you're dressed like a Ghostbuster without explaining why you're dressed like a SEXY Ghostbuster.






6:00pm-9:00pm
It took roughly 1 and 1/2 hours for each jumpsuit including the zippers, collars, and ironing. I made Jeff put together the ghost logo and name tag patches in AI, but I ended up have to tweak them and battle with the printer so it only saved me about 10 minutes.9:45pm
Patches are on. Judicious use of fabric glue for hems and facings applied. All done!

The final result:

Oh wait, I mean the real final result:
Meg's got the nice, non-camera phone pics so you'll just have to be patient, yucca plants.