Over the past week in Turkey I met lots of people I didn't know. Let's see how I did:
1. Anything involving Old English, Middle English or the recitation of texts in either language.
2. The sentence "I am in a circus."
3. The word "exsanguinate."
4. My first high school "boyfriend" impregnated a midget.
5. I have an oral fixation.
6. And no gag reflex.
7. I received a Colt semi automatic for my 18th birthday.
8. I worked at Rick's Cabaret for three months.
9. My rock show go-go dancing debut was at a Lords of Acid show at a slightly underage 17 years old. The encore was "Spank My Booty." Guess what happened.
10. I participated in the barrel racing event at the rodeo.
At first glance, this would seem to be quite a success. In reality, however, it turns out my original list was missing a few items including:
- I eat fire.
- I can pole dance. ( And have done so recently. In public.)
- I am proficient in several styles of Middle Eastern dance.
- Unsolicited tirades detailing the inferiority of states that were never independent republics.
Honestly though, I still can't quite figure out how I manage to start speaking Middle English and people continue standing there listening to it. Enablers! All of you!
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