Gettin' smarts

If you thought a hour long special about the history of cheese sounds boring you would be totally fucking wrong. I just learned all about how the balance of caseins, calcium, and acid makes mozzarella perfectly stretchy. Mmmm delicious chemistry. I mean, pizza. Wait, what the fuck was I talking about?

Thanks, Mom.

Mom: "If you did that [flunk out of school], you'd be in the nunnery! Although, you'd probably make a good nun."
Me: "Uh, really? Why on earth would you say that?"
Mom: "Well ... you're mean."

Hockaday friends.

over the phone:
Me: "We should meet up later."
Meg: "Ok, I'll give you a call when I'm done with dinner. Where are you going to be?"
Me: "Oh, I'm just going to be hanging out here in the house... writing you love letters."
Meg: "Are they going to be on nice stationery?"
Me: "Of course."
Meg: "Ok then."

one minute later:
Me: "MOM!! Where's the stationery?"
Mom: "Formal or informal?"
Me: "Uh, informal. The one with the golden retrievers on it."

two minutes later:
Dear Meg, I like you better than a large iguana, but don't tell Eric. I told him that last week, but I was just trying to get him to sleep with me. xo, Leesie.


There are about four things screwed up about all that. Try and count them all!

This about sums it up

"I really like you."
"I like you too."
"How much?"
"More than a large inguana."

25

I must be getting old. After 15 years I finally "get" Tori Amos' music.
Does that make me a grown-up now?
Ew.

Eeek! WTF!

Well, I guess I'm at least glad that the day xkcd ALMOST TOO ACCURATELY describes my life it didn't have anything to do with the velocoraptor running joke.



(But seriously, if you try to put "it's complicated" I'm going to bite you. And not in a sexy way.)

Consider desire

"Consider" derives from the Latin "to look at closely, to observe." Or, more literally, com- sidus, "with the stars."

"Desire" also traces its meaning back to the Latin word "to long for, to wish for," desiderare. Or, De- sidere: "from the stars."

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lyric

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I want your teeth to slip past my chin, to make me bleed and mark the skin.

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Short break for a moment of girliness...

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For me!
*squeal!*

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nerd.

Beauty propaganda

Ok, so I'm dying my hair, and after a long hiatus from conventional, drug store dye (meaning natural colors that are trying NOT to fry your hair) I was totally amused at Natural Instincts' new product copy.

The first step of hair dying is mixing the pigment with the activator. In this case, however, the activator is labeled "gentle activating creme." That makes pretty decent sense. It is, in fact, activating, although the non-Anglo-Saxon spelling of "creme" is a bit silly. On the other hand, I am very enthusiastic about it's purported "gentleness" which is totally why I bought Herbal Essences in the first place. Because if you can't trust a brand that asserts it's wholesomeness while not actually being organic, well, who can you trust? For serious.

So I can see what the somewhat superfluous words gentle and creme are trying to get me to think: that this slimy, strong-smelling concoction is actually going to be good for my hair. Punk rock. Actually, wait. Scratch that. Punk rock would be that time I slathered my hair in magenta Special Effects, wrapped my head in a dry cleaning bag, and slept on it.

The pigment ingredient, on the other hand, is definitely pushing the boundaries of redundancy with the extraneous wordage. It is renamed "color-enhancing colorant." Now, correct me if I am wrong, but the colorant IS supposed to be COLORING my hair, right? Am I really supposed to be impressed that the colorant is doing some coloring? And what is this "enhancing" business about? I don't want my hair enhanced, I want its genetically-determined color to be permanently burned away by nature's finest chemicals as if I am some all-powerful hair color goddess exacting my sweet revenge on melanin. Or at least like the chicks in "the Craft." Come on.

Ok, so maybe if you've never dyed your hair before you might fall for this, but keep in mind that you always get a small 2oz tube of conditioner with your dye. This coloring kit it trying to convince me that I am getting "a once a week" month supply of conditioner with my box of dye. Well, guess what, Herbal Essences, I might be an art major, but I still can fucking read and this "once a week Color Treat" is still 2 fucking ounces. Nice try. And no, it's not a TREAT. It's conditioner. And for your information, I'm going to completely saturate every ammonia-licious strand of my hair with the WHOLE THING of "color conditioning treatment" like I always do. How about that!

And what is with throwing in the word color one last time? Which words are even modifying it? The conditioning treatment isn't coloring my hair, I just did that. It's not conditioning or toning the color itself either, because I happen to know it's just a treat-- I mean, just conditioner.

I think what this all means is that I'm going to have to put some Manic Panic Nightshade streaks in to cancel out the hippiness.

You can take the girl out of the goth scene, but you can't take the goth out of the girl...