Presents!

This is the loot, in summary:

A hula hoop! Super fun. I'm better already after a few days, but the real shocker is that my mom is the hooping queen. She talked a big game about being the champion back in the day, but when I challenged her to a Xmas day hoop-off she started to back down. So, of course, I goaded her into to doing it. AND SHE ROCKED.

Dog Monopoly. I got it. You want it. To get you ASS KICKED, that is. Bring it.



Shifty hoodoo books. Something was telling me I needed to dip my toe into the dark side of the pool. Heartwarming family fun.

Crazy shoes. As usual, my parents we shocked, but not surprised. Mine is the leather one on the left.

45% Serious

I went out dancing the week before last with my right hand gal, and ever-indulgent witness to my kooky antics, Meg. It left me with some food for thought, but here are the glib parts first.

I witnessed the most awesome/awful dance off between a group of white guys of varied degrees of inebriation versus one talented black guy.

Meg: He smells like laundry.
Me: Yeah, spicy laundry.

Some guy elected to type, then show me a text, rather than talk over the cacophony. The message read, "I've seen you turn down every guy in here, but I have to ask, will you marry me? I am 45% serious."

Which leads me to my deep thought for the week: I seriously enjoy being an ice princess. I guess I'm going back to my roots, but is it nostalgia? Maliciousness? Simplicity?

Let me explain the process. I go out, dance like a maniac (usually in some gothette ensemble), and flat out refuse to entertain any sort of conversation or interaction with any boys I don't know or are not friends of people that I know. This has always been the way I do things. Maybe it's because deep down I'm shy, maybe it's because I'd really rather be dancing, maybe it's because I know guys in bars are only trying to get in my pants and are not worth talking to, maybe it's that I worry that if I flirt back things will end up in a back seat.
Perhaps a discussion for another time.

The reason I keep doing it is pretty simple, however. I, like anyone, relish a compliment. It's nice to know I'm cute, or interesting, stand out, or dance well. Mae West said it best when she quipped, "It's better to be looked over than overlooked." So no posturing there, I admit it. The difference between thwarting advances with a ruthless stonewall and the more expected polite flirting is that I'm content with just knowing. I don't need the free drink. I don't need the canned compliments. I don't need the ll-advised hookup. No, I'm content to reel them in and throw them back. I get to be, in equal measure, a bitch and a honest, no-head games girl. Instant gratification, no mess. More importantly, no room for those awkward mixed signals.

The reason that this process is even worth mentioning is that I've made a few notable exceptions to the policy, particularly recently (although no strangers and not in bars, god forbid). On the one hand, I guess I've felt that refusing to talk to people is kind of eccentric and not very polite or grown-up or whatever you want to call it. I guess the other part is the curiosity factor. Oh, and the selfish factor. If I can happen upon an especially smitten suitor that seems easy enough to deal with, (read: throw back later at my discretion) why not enjoy the distraction? Casual dating the ultimate procrastination. Besides, everybody is doing it! What I've learned is that it is very, very entertaining. I like going on proper dates and being spoiled. I like having someone wondering what my next move is without ever fretting over theirs.

One the other hand, I am, deep down, a goody-goody. I don't mind being cruel, but I don't like being deceitful. And the other thing I've learned is that there is no way to be aloof without it being interpreted and being hard-to-get. So, while I'm loathe to lead anyone on, the leading may be all according to the one doing the following. Follow? Also, I am quite a snob when it comes to my reputation. Sure, I dress like a vampire hooker, dance like sex in heels, have some over-the-top hobbies, but all that luridness is cancelled out by the fact that I am thoroughly abstemious when it comes to sex and drugs...a little rock and roll never hurt anyone. This snotty reason for being that way doesn't particularly help tilt the moral scale in its favor, but, hey it's part of it too.

So, hmmm, where was I going with this? I guess the moral of the story is that I prefer --as I ought to-- the blunt, perhaps unwarranted, rejection to the drawn-out seduction and fizzle. And despite the reasons for me feeling that way include being conceited, an elitist, and rude, it is preferable to the alternative which I fear is bringing out my worst predatory instincts. (Let's not get into those.) Right? Right!

I feel like I've written myself quite a pep talk to get back on the righteous path of holding out for the OTL except, of course, I'm rather in the middle of quite the epic pursuit.
Circuity is my new strong suit these days.
Maybe I can be 45% serious.

Red Recommends: Sextrology

Book review time!! As resident astrology expert I could could probably write my own book, so I feel pretty qualified to recommend Sextrology.


I bought it last night as an early Yule present to myself and so far I'm pretty impressed. I'd flipped through it before at Meg's house, and wasn't smitten, but after giving several signs a hard, critical read I can vouch for its accuracy.

To give you an idea of the structure and content, Sextrology is divided by sign and gender. Each section (Aries male, for example) gets an intro, Sign and Mind, Body and Soul, Sex and Sexuality, and a handy Couplings table that describes each possible paring between the signs, gay and straight.

What really prompted me to publicly sing the praises of the book is that it is one of the few books to tell me something new. Most astrology books tend to reiterate the same stereotypes to the point of caricatures. Save yourself the trouble and read Linda Goodman's Sun Signs, my astrology bible (she's an Aries!). Sextrology, surprisingly enough, features really deep psychological analysis and only gets to the eponymous carnal advice at the end of each section. Best of the best is the deliciously fascinating sidebars detailing the symbolism of the planetary glyph, sign glyph, mythical archetype, and Biblical symbolism.

As for the first two, I admit I am a bit of an arcane symbol addict. Alchemy, Kabbalic sigils, runes, ancient alphabets, you name it, I know the precise rhyme and reason for each stroke and swirl. So, these sections may play to my personal predilection exclusively. Nevertheless, it's worth praising, AND the descriptions are different of each sign's gender. Bonus points.

The mythical archetypes are, in a word, exquisite. The author has gone above and beyond the traditional planetary rulers and fleshed out rich deities for both genders. What I mean by this is, for example, Aries is ruled by Mars. Mars is the god of war and if you know me, you might see where a chit chat about warlike, competitive, impatient impulses is going. Mars is, however, ultimately a dude, and the utility of him to describe the female iteration of those qualities is finite. To solve the dilemma, authors Starsky and Cox introduce secondary and companion gods and goddesses to paint the full picture. In the case of Aries, it is Pallas Athena. Let me say this, I read a LOT of scholarship on classical mythology. We're talking secondary and primary sources. Hell, I've produced scholarship on classical mythology. Moreover, I actively worship said deities. To say that I am familiar with our dear Goddess of the Art of War is a sure thing. When I assert that this book came up with twists on Athena that were novel and creative (and accurate) to me is totally amazing. I am utterly impressed. (Even the distinction between God of War versus God of the Art of War is fascinating!)

You might be surprised that I was interested or impressed with the Biblical associations, but to be fair, I lucked out and Aries Woman got Lilith. Nevertheless, the reasoning behind the correlation was clear, historical, and revealing. Love it. (Taurus gals get Eve)

Another detail I love which is kind of incidental is the titles for each chapter, but I'm a word nerd, and that's just how it goes. Each gendered pair gets a pretty lovely set of his and hers nouns like the Natural and the Knockout for Leo or the Player and the Pearl for Cancer. (I'm the Original. lol)

The text is also acerbically straight-froward, which, to me, is a good thing. But I am an Aries and tend to construe things like, "She is selfish in the extreme... typically lacks compassion to some degree" as compliments anyway.

The most glaring inconsistencies I found tended to deal with the sex profiles themselves. A few signs tend to get the "one-note" treatment, but I think if you pay extra attention to the cited exceptions and treat them as common traits you'll get a better picture. (It's a good rule of thumb to know that agressive sorts often play against type in the bedroom, Aries included.) The keywords in the "turn ons" sidebars are a little random as well. I think mine left out a few significant ones (blood play? or is that just me?) and had a few outstanding ringers (lumberjacks? seriously?).

The arm-chair Oedipal psychoanalysis was a little iffy to me too, but I happen to have pretty awesome parents, so maybe I'm the anomaly on that front.

Overall, I give it 4 1/2 witchy stars. The half star off is for the occasionally patchy sex advice which is purportedly the purpose of the book. However, the book offers much, much more than said sordid divination, which is a pleasant and long-overdue surprise.

Dating Advice

Mom: So I was reading your blog...who's the guy from Columbia?
Me: Oh, he was just some guy I met at a holiday party for five minutes. He's getting a Masters in Economics at SMU.
Mom: *gasps in delight*
Me: He's 23.
Mom: So? Economics, you say?
Me: You have a crush on him, then.

Re: Daily Tarot

Trouble. Not my fault if it wasn't my idea, right?

He is, by the way, the dumbest boy in America. Or, more accurately, the most Aquarian Aquarius ever. It wasn't that bad, but it did spark a tiff with the giffer.

quick recap-
Aquarius: Man, I'm ready to leave but [whatsherface] won't stop dancing on the stage. Help me out.
Me: Wtf? I'm a dancer, I'm not going to tell anyone to STOP dancing.
Aquarius: No, you can help me! Start dancing with me and she'll be down here in 10 seconds. Watch!
Me: [thinks: this is either the screwiest relationship I have ever observed or the lamest attempt to dance with me ever conceived] Ok, sure.

The dancing was perfectly chaste, I assure you.

You mean people younger than me have feelings?

M: That sucks that the guy from Columbia is only 23.
Me: I was hoping he was kidding, but he wasn't.
M: I could tell you kinda liked him.
Me: Yeah, now I just want to gnaw on his soul.
M: Uh....

Daily Tarot

the Devil
The Devil represent wild behavior and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness, and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.


Oh, Facebook Tarot, you naive thing, you. You know perfectly well these kinds of admonitions have the exact opposite effect. This is the best I can promise you: I'm biding my time with the latest "project"; perhaps something more wholesome will come along before I get us into too much trouble. 'K?