Friday, November 30, 2007

Queen of Hearts


Devotees of the tarocchi,

The other day I appeared not once, but twice, as the Queen of Cups (in a conventional playing deck, and more tellingly, the Queen of Hearts) as the first card in a Celtic Cross spread with two different decks.

I, of course, am always the Queen of Rods. Redheaded, fire-signed, sunny, capricious, creative, ebullient, exuberant, sharp-tongued, loyal, opinionated, passionate, impatient, ambitious, confident, and suchlike. Sounds about right, no? The Queen of Cups: sentimental, nurturing, romantic, empathetic, intuitive, loving, affectionate, shy. My first reaction was, "That isn't me!" but, then, the damn question was about me.

What does it mean to be described as something else entirely to a querent? Certainly not that I am NOT the Rods type, I think. That I am the queen of cups right now? To that person? What is it to be something you do not identify yourself to be FOR/TO someone else anyway? To me that sounds disingenuous at best and terrifying at worst. But I suppose the more sentimental among us consider that to be romance. And who is active agent is that perception? Am I the one being different, or is the subject that is seeing me differently than I see myself?

I imagine in a spread for another person, the latter is most likely the case. Which is not to say that a person's first impression is wrong. Just, judging from my incredulity, not the primary or my preferred iteration of my personality. So what is that about? Am I completely mental to have some kind of ranking for qualities which I feel are more important or most salient? And how is it that I ended up preferring to be described as impetuous before comforting?

Hmm. Mysteries of the universe. :P

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

More fun with my parents

So in my typically indiscreet fashion, I told my mom about cherry onion firefly after quoting her extensively. Of course, in my mom's typical mom fashion, her first comment was that my writing style has not athrophied and reamins engaging. Her second response was to tell me she didn't read everything because she wasn't sure if it was private or not which is completely hilarious not only because that probably is not true, but also because I am the least secretive person on the planet (ex: "I am retarded for you." "Haha. You're retarded?" "No! *I'm* not retarded...I...er..." FUCK.). Then my mom told me that my dad was kind of disappointed that I hadn't written anything about him yet which is so adorable it makes my teeth hurt.

My dad is very easy going and very Texan. He knows everything about geography, history, and politics. I get my uncanny sense of direction from him. All my guy friends drive up to Dallas to tailgate with Daddy even if I'm not anywhere near Dallas because he's that awesome.

The problem is that Daddy stories usually work better being told than transcribed because my dad tends to make up words or twang them randomly. In case you're a yankee, a twang is a Texas accent, it isn't called a "drawl." Every once in a while my dad will use really obscure words for perfectly normal things too, like calling something "persimmon" instead of orange-colored. I'm not even sure my dad's ever even eaten a persimmon, but there you go.


So I will make a concerted effort to incude more Daddy stories as they transpire.

Rotten.

My mom told me over Thanksgiving that she was worried because I had no Yule presents.
I bought six pairs of shoes online and shipped them to the house.
I am spoiled.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Rapunzel

My beautiful bunny Rapunzel
!



Saturday, November 24, 2007

My Mom rocks....kinda

Mom: Oh, I love this song! [sings and bobs back and forth] I want to rock and roll all night. And party every day!
Me: Really, Mom? Do you?
Mom: Mmm-hmm.
Me: Party every day?
Mom: Well, I could read a book all day.
Me: .... I'm not sure that's the same thing.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Oh, hells no...

Dude, I just left decent weather in New York, and it's SNOWING in Dallas. DALLAS. Dallas, TEXAS! Frozen dihydrogen monoxide is falling from the sky. Solid water is precipitating from the atmosphere. Al Gore, you can take your global warming and go fuck yourself with a chainsaw...SIDEWAYS.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Secret.

scarletfvr29 (1:30:26 PM): stop looking at my blaaag in front of your family
scarletfvr29 (1:30:30 PM): it's private
scarletfvr29 (1:30:35 PM): that's why its on the internet
scarletfvr29 (1:30:39 PM): for everyone to see

Medicine


No. Shit.
*
*
(that cracked out eyeball really is on my bottle of cough supressant. wtf.)

Daily Tarot


The Lovers
The Lovers represent a powerful union and the harmony of opposites. It represents the combining of two elements to create an even greater entity. This card often represents the formation of a new relationship or the strengthening of a current one. Love can come your way at anytime.
*
*
*
I know, I know. Thanks, captain obvious.
*
Your accuracy is improving, Facebook Tarot; your helpfulness, not so much.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Email from Barby



From: Barbara Pool
Sent:Mon 11/19/07 11:11 PM
To: Leesie (
valkyrie@alumni.rice.edu)

Little B2Shoes,
send me the stuff I need to get for your dips so I can get them hopefully tomorrow or wednesday.
LA(ww)M


Emails from my mom are always a bit perplexing. Despite the fact that she is an erudite librarian who has been proofing my papers for two decades, she prefers to type emails in a telegram style frequently leaving out punctuation and pronouns. She happens to be asking me for a salsa recipe, but as you can see, she eschews the ethnic Spanish for "dip."

What I'd like to point out, however, is the salutation and closing. If you're confused that the email is addressed to "Little B2shoes," knowing that stands for Little Bouef-y Two Shoes probably doesn't help either. I, in fact, have no idea what this means, but she's been calling me this ever since I can remember. I guess it's a conflation of "goody two shoes" and the French word for cow, which may or may not be a term of endearment in France. Who knows. The B can alternately stand for "bitchy two shoes" which is used with almost the same frequency.

LA(ww)M stands for "love always, without wax, Mommy." This is also weird, but easier to explain. The word "sincerely" derives from the Latin "without wax" which refers to the practice of patching up botched marble sculptures with wax. If a sculptor fucked up someones nose, he would fill in the mistake, but a master's sculpture, in contrast, would be free of revisions or wax, thusly a "sincere" work. Anyway, I learned that in fourth grade and my mom has been signing notes like that ever since. I imagine that she was hoping I'd follow in her footsteps and take Latin and watch "I, Claudius" marathons with her, but much to her disappointment I studied Greek and our Classical impasse sustains itself to this day.

Lastly, I'd like to point out something that I think sums up my mother's character pretty succinctly. My mom spells her name "Barby," but half of her college friends mistakenly spell it "Barbie." Every Christmas there is a crisis because my mom tries to remember who spells it which way when she's signing her Christmas cards because she feels it would be rude to correct that person and feels obligated to sign "Barbie" lest they feel embarrassed. 40 years later. No, really.

Tormenting Walt!

Walt suggested I NOT make "Tormenting Walt" a weekly item, but respecting that wish would not really be in the spirit of "Tormenting Walt," now would it? So, in honor of Walt being far, far away here is this:

scarletfvr29 (3:26:34 PM): so when are you going to berlin and prague?
TrikWally (3:26:48 PM): tonight.
scarletfvr29 (3:26:59 PM): ah
scarletfvr29 (3:27:05 PM): bon voyage
TrikWally (3:27:17 PM): uh...thanks
scarletfvr29 (3:27:35 PM): well, that sounds more elegant
scarletfvr29 (3:27:46 PM): than, 'don't crash over the ocean
scarletfvr29 (3:27:51 PM): so i won't have to pretend to be sad'
TrikWally (3:28:12 PM): your attempts at faking emotion move me. thanks

Um, you're still bringing me back absinthe, right?
xo,
L

Monday, November 19, 2007

I draw things.

They look like this.
(title page for senior croquis book)
charcoal on craft paper
11" x 14"
Spring 2007

Friday, November 16, 2007

Quotes of the Week

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I spend way too much time online

More Facebook Graffiti

Grrrr

Fuck, I'm such a blabbermouth
I think I jinxed it
I think I jinxed it
I think I jinxed it
Goddammit.

*update*: false alarm. We're good.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

velocet


**
when my pulse blooms in my throat
*********as gravity fights for me

it feels the same as this.
*

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Ten Things NOT to Tell Someone You Just Met

But sometimes manage to come up anyway. Which is probably more reason for concern than the topics themselves

1. Anything involving Old English, Middle English or the recitation of texts in either language.

2. The sentence "I am in a circus."

3. The word "exsanguinate."

4. My first high school "boyfriend" impregnated a midget.

5. I have an oral fixation.

6. And no gag reflex.

7. I received a Colt semi automatic for my 18th birthday.

8. I worked at Rick's Cabaret for three months.

9. My rock show go-go dancing debut was at a Lords of Acid show at a slightly underage 17 years old. The encore was "Spank My Booty." Guess what happened.

10. I participated in the barrel racing event at the rodeo.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Actually,

The Stars Wars theme blasting from the dvd player is EXACTLY what I wanted to hear first thing Sunday morning.

No, I'm not even being sarcastic.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Feeling a bit better

Apparently one or all of these things contributed to my relative improvement:
  • Having my ex-boyfriend hold my nose and pour twice the recommended dose of Robitussin (from a shot glass) down my throat followed by two Alleve.
  • Spending the following day fucked the fuck up off of Robitussin raspily berating anyone who would engage me in conversation.
  • Coming home that afternoon and sleeping for an almost uninterrupted 12 hours.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Tormenting Walt!


Well, first there was this:
scarletfvr29 (3:22:12 PM): i think i should have a weekly
item on my blaaaaag called "tormenting walt" and it will
just be shit i cut and pasted from our aim conversations.
Auto Response from TrikWally (3:22:12 PM): Away from my desk.

Editing.
scarletfvr29 (3:41:19 PM): i'm going to take your non-reply

to mean whole hearted agreement
scarletfvr29 (3:41:22 PM): cheerio!


so here is this:
scarletfvr29 (2:47:49 PM): if this evening doesn't end with
you getting a 'birthday spanking' from some burly bear man i'm
going to be very disappointed. from both the lack of SF failing
to live up to my expectation of being all gay all the time and
also due to the fact that I can only enjoy other people's
happiness when it ends in their misery and humiliation
TrikWally (2:48:20 PM): ....
TrikWally (2:48:23 PM): i'm glad we're friends
TrikWally (2:48:26 PM): i ever tell you that?
TrikWally (2:48:34 PM): ....

Happy Birthday!
xo,
L



Being sick makes you soooo pretty. Let me explain it to you.

So, as stated previously, if you would like to lose...say... 6+ pounds in less than 36 hours drink cough syrup. Its cloying noxiousness will deactivate your tongue and coat your stomach in a delightful slime. Not only will you not feel like eating anything, but if you try it will taste completely terrible.

Second awesome benefit: coughing incessantly is the equivalent of doing eleventy jillion crunches in a day. I counted. In a scientific manner.

Because I was a design student I know all about sleep deprivation in all its torturous degrees. While it is true that habitual sleep deprivation will slow down your metabolism, I have discovered that a 2-3 day bender every once in a while will actually cause you to lose weight. Why waste half your day sleeping, when you could be awake burning twice as many calories! Awake hacking your lungs out! Diesel!

Getting back to the not eating, since all you will be consuming is tea and gallons of water to get that fucking Robitussin taste out of your mouth, now is a great time for detoxing. All that water-weight you've been waddling around with will fly off as you cleanse your body with yummy green tea antioxidants. Nevermind that at the same time a putrid infection is festering in your sinus cavity and creeping toward your lungs. Liquid diet! Whee!


But Leesie, how are you going to look pretty with those bags under your eyes!
Try to sleep with your head elevated and lay on your back. Don't worry if you usually sleep on your side or stomach. As your will to live seeps out your nose, so will your desire to roll over.
Also, dab white, shimmery shadow on the inside corners of your eyes and curl your lashes. It will make you look more awake. If you think that sounds like bullshit, you obviously have never wielded a lash curler.

Ok, but blowing your nose every 45 seconds has got to make your nose red.
True, all that abrading is bad for sensitive skin. Use a moisturizer that is made for calming irritated skin like eucerin, aveeno, or just plain neosporin. Put concealer on the corners of your nostrils. This is a good trick in general because it makes your nose look narrower.

Dude, but you're so pale!
I'm not pale, I'm fair. It's aristocratic.

Ok, but seriously, how is being unhealthy going to make you pretty? Isn't that the opposite of pretty?
Beauty is suffering. I learned it in school. I have a degree in this shit.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Ow, sinus pressure

I'm on this awesome diet called "Robitussin makes me wretch and its lingering putridity makes everything taste vomitious." So rad.

I think I need to hibernate....

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Daily Tarot

The Moon

The Moon represents those unknown forces and cycles that are out of your control. While aware of its presence, you are unable to comprehend the influence the Moon has on your life. While this is a time full of mystery and uncertainty, it is also a time of great imagination and creativity. You must be prepared to venture into the unknown and follow uncharted paths.



Listen, you.
I am sick of this passive aggressive "advice" you're giving me. You need to stop exacerbating this encroaching sense of juggling I'm feeling. And don't even think about dealing me the Tower tomorrow. For serious.

Art degree at work.




Monday, November 5, 2007

Daily Tarot

I was composing an incisive psychoanalysis detailing the epiphany I had on the R train concerning my Ashley Wilkes/Rhett Butler syndrome, but I think THIS just about says it all:

The Devil

The Devil represents wild behaviour and reckless abandon. This is a card synonymous with temptation and addiction. At its worst, this card embodies evil, but at its best represents ambition, impulsiveness and pure devotion. You should be acutely aware of the destructive influences in your life and gather the strength to overcome them.




Oh, universe. How my foibles must amuse you.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Sun Signs

Aries
Taurus
Virgo
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Aquarius
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Libra
Capricorn
Pisces

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Wheeeeeee

Indian boys have pretty hair.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Feliz Dia de los Muertos.

Pelvic bones. I has them.

Thank you note.



This is a drawing I sent to Dr. Darryl, our vet after he operated on Rapunzel. I scribbled it in about 45 seconds, but the staff was charmingly flattered noentheless.
Thanks Dr. Darryl! Maybe you can operate on mommy next time she needs it.

Organs!

I have to say, before I saw them in plush form, I never wondered what my favorite organ was.

Being asthmatic I have a strained relationship with lungs, I've never really given my liver or kidneys a real workout, the heart is cliche, brains are obvious... which organ is glamorous? None, I guess? I'm tempted to go for the spleen just because it has some currency as a non-anatomical word.

I think too hard about these things.

http://iheartguts.com/shop/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=1&sort=20a&page=3

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Halloweeeeeeeeen!!!!

Went to the Devils game at the new arena which is pretty swanky...esp for New Jersey. Thank effing god they finally got their act together and won one. And a big win! 6-1 with three fights. Can't ask for much better than that!
Finally got back to Mehanata at midnight for some samba and live drumming. Diego met a swashbucking doppleganger and I outdanced the chick dressed like a bellydancer. Those lasers in the basement are fierce!









cool stuff


Oh God, So Cute!


Oh my sweet Jesus. So goddamn adorable. Cute, cute, cute. Ow, it hurts.
*Dies.*