Old.

Me: Daddy, have you ever been to St. Louis?
Dad: Yeah, one time. We just drove through, though.
Me. Oh. Well, did you see the arch?
Dad: It wasn't around yet.
Me: What! Who were you there with? Lewis and Clark?!?
Mom: And that Indian girl. Sacajawhatshername.

Best Summer Soundtrack EVER

As a timely followup to my previous rant here is, in no particular order, the best summer songs from the sixties! Try not to burn your hands on the steering wheel on your way to the snowcone stand and crank it up.

• Anything by the Beach Boys. Obviously. In my expert opinion, you should always start your summer playlist with "Get Around." Do it, trust me. "Good Vibrations" and "Do It Again" are my other picks.
• "Summer in the City"- the Lovin' Spoonful. Well, jeez, it's their NAME, you have to love them. Listen to these lyrics, that is some machine-gun fire rhyming. These guys are SO underrated.
• "In the Summertime"- Mungo Jerry. You know it, you love it. Although, I gotta say the line "if her daddy's rich take her out for a meal/if her daddy's poor just do what you feel" is a ripe, juicy target for a class and gender crit. Yes, I do, in fact, write imaginary papers in my head. Shut up.
• "Summertime"-Janis Joplin (with Big Brother and the Holding Company). A slower song to take it down a notch. This is hands-down the best rendition of this song ever in the history of everything. Don't try to get all cute with me listing your "street-cred" blues singers who also sang it, you're not going to win this argument.
• "Do Wah Diddy Diddy"-Manfred Mann. This song reminds me of swim team when the coach used to make us sing it in rounds like a military chant. Yes, I was on the swim team as a kid. If this is screwing up your notions of what sort of child I was, keep in mind, swimming is not actually a cooperative team sport.
• "Paint It Black"- the Rolling Stones. It's Barbara Pool approved.
• "Pleasant Valley Sunday"-the Monkees. Not necessarily a classic for the ages, but for some reason this is the song that runs in my head when I think back on sneaking into the neighbors' yards to run around in their sprinklers. And by "sneak" I mean as TOTALLY OBVIOUS as only a shrieking five-year-old in a swimsuit running around in your front yard in broad daylight can be.
• "Come On Down To My Boat" - Every Mother's Son. Another kind of silly one. Reminds me of Bahama Mama slushpuppies and pool water up my nose.
• "Time of the Season"- the Zombies. Ok, seriously, if some dude came up to me and asked me who my dad was and if he's rich or not that guy would be spitting teeth. Nonetheless, the Zombies are one underrated British Invasion band.

notable exceptions:

• "Under The Boardwalk "- The Drifters. Yeah, I get it, it's about the beach. Beach =summer. It's also about people screwing under the boardwalk. GROSS.
• "California Dreamin'"- the Mamas and the Papas. It's about WINTER.
  
  

Facebook Horoscope

Horoscope for 8/20/2008
Your romantic side may be engaged -- or some idea or project may have captured your heart! One way or another, you're giving your all to a person, place or thing and it feels fantastic!


Um, actually no. None of the above.

As far as ideas and projects, the line is sort in limbo as I decide if I want to want to launch in Fall 09 instead. Still exciting, but also just generally chugging along at a reasonable pace.

As for the former, funny you should ask, oh, Facebook. As it happens, everyone else seems to think this also. There are at least four good stories I could tell to this effect, but it would be arduously meta in a "you're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you" kind of way.

This blog isn't about you, by the way.
Or you.

Anyway, I'm on an unusually even keel these days now that the frenzy of moving has subsided and I have yet to craft a routine. Reading Sandman all weekend surely isn't helping. It makes me dreamy and pensive which doesn't suit me. Although, on the plus side, I dress more gothically which does suit me.
I continue to adore San Francisco. Which is related because, while living in perpetual October would certainly be exquisite, it would probably have the same effect on me.

Tormenting Walt

Dear readers, forgive me. I have been remiss. There has indeed been tormenting of Walt, but I haven't documented it.
But things have changed. I have be the victim of a ruthless bait and switch involving Tom Petty tickets. In retaliation, I give you the following e-correspondence. Admittedly, it is rather out of context, but don't let that stop you from pointing and laughing.




Walt Williams said that you two are engaged
From: Facebook (confirm+5b4ngx4r@facebookmail.com)
Add contact
Sent:Tue 7/15/08 1:41 AM
Reply-to:noreply (noreply@facebookmail.com)
To: Leesie Pool
____________________________________________________________________

Walt said on Facebook that you two are engaged. We need you to confirm that you are, in fact, engaged to Walt.

To confirm this relationship request, follow the link below:http://www.facebook.com/n/?home.php

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

___
Want to control which emails you receive from Facebook? Go to:http://www.facebook.com/editaccount.php?notifications&md=cmVsYXRpb25zaGlwX3JlcTtmcm9tPTkyMDMwNDE7dG89MzAwMjk2Mg==

Nostalgia

Me: Mom, do you like my hair color? It's almost like my natural hair color!
Mom: I don't remember what your natural hair color looks like.

Extracurricular activities

Now that I have acquired a change of scenery and a copious amount of time with my parents that needs to be reallocated, I have comprised a checklist of things I want to accomplish. If anyone can help/wants in on these activities, you know where to find me!


-Execute a perfect handstand, "scorpion" pose, and flip flop.
-Go to more gallery openings and museums.
-use up all my henna paste. (Any volunteers? I'm good, I swear.)
-go to more local rock shows. (Toadies, Aug 22, dudes).
-learn to swallow swords.
-learn Latin.
-work on my front splits and try for a horizontal over-split.
-tryout for the Dallas roller derby (flat track OR banked).
-plant an herb garden. And not kill it.
-re-memorize the beginning of Beowulf.
-practice spinning poi.
-find bands/events that will let me make snazzy psychedelic posters for them (pro bono even).
-have a garage sale and get rid of all my old clothes and books.
-practice vertical pole inverts and tricks.
-audition as a performer or character at Scarborough Faire.
-celebrate pagan holidays in a bigger way.
-find some tribal dance gigs at clubs/bars.
-find some fire eating gigs at clubs/bars.
-find some go-go gigs at clubs/bars.
-maybe find a tribal dance teaching gig (adults or kids).
-learn to ride a motorcycle.
-visit places featured in Weird Texas.
-re-learn to play bass

Jesus Hell, the Sixties were awesome

the follwing contains excessive use of the word "awesome"


So, I am continually compiling a sixties playlist. It reminds me of driving around in the summer time with my mom, plus, fucking duh, the sixties were the most badass moment in music ever. This quest for the perfect, all-inclusive playlist usually starts with me downloading one specific song by an artist, then going back and looking for other titles by said artist. That always ends with me finding about six TOTAL JOY INDUCING awesome hits and exclaiming with glee, "JESUS HELL, THE SIXTIES WERE AWESOME."

Seriously, how did so many bands write so many ridiculously spectacular songs?! For bands whose songs are in every movie, commercial, etc, why are people not as obsessed with them I am?! Get with the program!!! Fuck Hendrix or the Beatles or whoever it is you're name dropping all the time.

First off, let's talk about Three Dog Night. TELL ME you don't squeal with delight when you hear "Jeremiah was a bullfrog..." being belted out of your radio. Or
"One (is the loneliest number)". That piano lick is classic! Or "Mama Told Me not to Come"? Words of wisdom if I ever heard them. Go download "Shambala" and "Never Been to Spain." If they don't ring a bell you'll know them when you hear them. Any one of these songs would've singlehandledly been a feat of rock genius, all of them together is enough awesome to last me forever.

The Turtles. "Happy Together" is probably the standout hit for my generation thanks to a way overplayed Golden Grahams commercial in the 80's, but my favorites are their slower, vaguely creepy hits like "Elenore" and "You Showed Me" which feature some pretty sweet experimental synths and rather strange harmonies. "Elenore" in particular has some of the kookiest lyrics ever like the exuberant chorus, "Gee, I think you're swell, you're my pride and joy, et cetera." Dude, anyone who can write the nerdtastic words gee, swell, and et cetera into a cool song is a musical force to be reckoned with. Not to mention the rhyming poetry of the lines "your looks intoxicate me/ even though your folks hate me" and "they'll turn the lights way down low/ maybe we won't watch the show!" LOVE IT.

Tommy James and the Shondells. These guys wrote "Crimson and Clover," which just so happens to be, in my expert opinion, one of the most awesomely arcane psychedelic songs ever. It would be totally possible for me to listen to that song on repeat forever and still love it. Not only that, they also wrote the audaciously catchy "Moni Moni" which even people raised by wolves have heard and the restrained groove "Crystal Blue Persuasion." I also adore "Sweet Cherry Wine" but my very favorite is the garage-y "Hanky Panky." But then, I love anything that sounds cute and filthy. I missed my calling as their go-go dancer.

The Four Tops. If you think you are too cool to drive around belting out your mom's Motown, you suck at life and should quit. The Four Tops pretty much wrote every awesome song that isn't by the Temps. "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)" is so catchy it makes my teeth hurt. So is the fabulous "Same Old Song" and the bitchin', motivational "I'll Be the There." I know you sing the back up parts and drum on your steering wheel, don't lie to me. Plus, they get major credit for taking on the daunting task of writing a song about a girl named Bernadette. It gets pretty philosophical too, "While I live only to hold you/ some other men they long to control you/ but how can they control you, Bernadette/ when they cannot control themselves, Bernadette/ from wanting you, needing you?" Wow, if someone wrote me a song like that, it might almost make up for my name being Bernadette.

scamtastic

I just got the following text:

fr: UNKNOWN

Hey, I got your number from a friend of mine, but I bet you can't guess who I am! My username's cute_tease, if you wanna come see if you recognize me online at cute_tease.match-pit.org. Well, hope to see you soon!

12:35PM Tues, Jun10



Seriously, I don't know anyone who uses the word "wanna." Sadly, that IS was the first thing that came to mind. To be fair, however, I was impressed by the comma after "hey." I'm also pretty confident that no dudes I know, nor any I would like to know, would call themselves a "cute tease."
Spammers, you need to take it up a notch.

thoughts on Iron Man

I can wholeheartedly say that Iron Man was all the awesomeness I hoped for and more.
My only criticism was that they didn't rock Black Sabbath the whole time. In fact, I think they really could've taken all the music up to eleven. Other than that, however, the smartassedness was delicious and that has got to be the finest damn goatee I have ever spied. The Marvel inside jokes were also pretty great (although the "blue and gold spandex" line in Xmen was probably the best) especially the S.H.I.E.L.D. gag which so perfectly set up the bonus clip with Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury. I was actually so excited I sat up in my front row seat and shrieked, "Nick Fury is black?!?!? AWE-SOME!!!!" I've never been this excited by anything relating to the Avengers.
Wow. I am such I nerd.

Less of a Bad Thing

Months ago I compiled a top 10 list of things not to tell anyone you've just met.

Over the past week in Turkey I met lots of people I didn't know. Let's see how I did:

1. Anything involving Old English, Middle English or the recitation of texts in either language.
2. The sentence "I am in a circus."
3. The word "exsanguinate."
4. My first high school "boyfriend" impregnated a midget.
5. I have an oral fixation.
6. And no gag reflex.
7. I received a Colt semi automatic for my 18th birthday.
8. I worked at Rick's Cabaret for three months.
9. My rock show go-go dancing debut was at a Lords of Acid show at a slightly underage 17 years old. The encore was "Spank My Booty." Guess what happened.
10. I participated in the barrel racing event at the rodeo.

At first glance, this would seem to be quite a success. In reality, however, it turns out my original list was missing a few items including:

• I eat fire.
• I can pole dance. ( And have done so recently. In public.)
• I am proficient in several styles of Middle Eastern dance.
• Unsolicited tirades detailing the inferiority of states that were never independent republics.

Honestly though, I still can't quite figure out how I manage to start speaking Middle English and people continue standing there listening to it. Enablers! All of you!

More Fire

"Hey, look! This is way cooler than what's going on inside the club!"

Burning on the sidewalk. Stopped traffic. No arrests.

Watch for the fire grab at :40 and the "dragon's breath" at 2:00.


More fire, pole, and dance on Facebook.