la Fee Verte

Jared Gurfein, who founded Viridian, agreed. “There’s no question they’re watching us,” he said. “I’m just not sure what they’re watching for. I hope it’s not for somebody to cut their ear off.”

There are two things you should know about absinthe. One, it's not a controlled substance like, say, cocaine. Wormwood, the purported hallucinogen is banned by the FDA. You will not be jailed, fined, or harassed for possessing or consuming it, it will simply be taken away from you if you are bringing it into the country. Trust me, I've had it happen. Secondly, the "legal" absinthes the NYT article mentions squeak by the wormwood ban because the herb is not present in the final distillation, therefore there are only minute traces of it in the bottled product. This technicality also makes the absinthe technically not absinthe.

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So, what is "authentic" absinthe? I am not the absinthe police. I have tasted probably over a hundred brands of absinthe (which is about 97+ more than most people writing about it in the NYT or elsewhere) and a good deal of them were either patently inauthentic or what could be more favorably termed "novelty."

If, however, you want an absinthe that is most like what Van Gogh was drinking prior to the aforementioned ear incident this is what to look for:

• The absinthe must be from France or Switzerland. This not to say that there are not delicious absinthes from other countries, but French and Swiss brands tend to work from Belle Epoque recipes and maintain more handcrafted practices. France/Switzerland is just where absinthe is FROM. Duh.
• The traditional alcohol content of absinthe is anywhere from 50 to 68 proof, leaning towards the upper end of that range. You will find absinthes that are much, much higher but you will mostly taste alcohol.
• All traditional absinthes contain grand wormwood and anise. If you don't like the taste of licorice, you are shit out of luck.
• A "real" absinthe will louche when you add water and sugar. The alcohol keeps the herbs suspended in the solution until you add water, then the drink will cloud. It's a popular metaphor in literature and art for the absinthe experience.
• Absinthe is not dyed green. If it looks like mouthwash, it's probably going to taste more like mouthwash than absinthe.

The best kept secret about absinthe is not these "legal" American varieties, but the Swiss blanches and la bleues. As the names imply, these absinthes are clear and will louche milky white and blueish opal, respectively. Despite not being the requisite emerald, almost all distilleries making clear absinthe are using very old recipes with an artisanal attention to the craft. Blanche and bleue absinthes have a slightly crisper, more floral taste and happen to be my very favorite.

Some absinthes that are widely regarded as being the "best" and that I can also personally recommend are:

• La Valote Willy Bovet. A Swiss la bleue from the Val-de-Travers, a distilling community in the alps that share the same alembics, but use their own recipes. All Valotes are excellent, but this is my favorite. Great looking label too.
• Un Emile. A very traditional verte from Pontelier, the "birthplace" of absinthe. A very herbal blend with a slightly thick mouthfeel.
• Francois Guy. A French verte and the perennial winner of the Golden Absinthe Spoon (yes, there is an annual Absinthe competition.) The herbs tends toward to woody and bitter. It is not my favorite-favorite, but very well-esteemed by connoisseurs.
• Libertine. Frequently places in the Absinthiades. Tangy, sweet, and bitter all at once, is very fine even without sugar.
• Verisinthe. Another good, layered flavor. Sweet and rich.

In addition, there are some pretty cool variations that, despite being a touch anachronistic, are pretty good:

• Tunel Black. It's 80 proof and will knock you on your ass, but what could possibly be more gothic than BLACK ABSINTHE?! It has a slight indigo louche and you can taste the cassis and berries used to achieve the black color when you dilute it with water.
• Mata Hari. The Austrians don't like anise, so if you don't either this is a nice alternative. Herbal with a slightly minty note. The gorgeous Mucha label is totally worth the purchase. Does not louche.
• Neuzeller. This 400 year old German distillery produces a series of Absinthes steeped with flowers to give then a unique, dye-free color and taste. I have the rose and it's a bit bitter, but you can definitely taste the flower. Comes in a to-die-for apothecary bottle.
• Salvia. Not an absinthe, but a liqueur made from sage. Interestingly, sages contains much more of the purported hallucinogen, thujone, than wormwood. Sage, however, is quite legal. Oh, FDA, you sillies! Very, very unique drink and highly recommended. It has a light, woody flavor.
  

  

A few other rules of thumb: do not drink Czech absinthe. I can't think of any brands that are authentic or don't taste like Scope. Speaking of Czechs, the "Czech ritual" is decidedly not period, but lighting shit on fire is always awesome. I would never, ever discourage someone from igniting something then ingesting it. So keep your lighters handy. Also, do not mix absinthe and cannabis vodka. Not only is cannabis vodka the most disgusting bile you will ever consume, I'm pretty sure the only thing steeping marijuana seeds in alcohol does is make the booze taste like it was brewed in Satan's spleen, ie, it will not get you stoned. Although, admittedly, that is not my area of expertise. Anyway, during a very scientific field study I determined that combining these two spirits will cause you to WEEP UNCONTROLLABLY for over an hour after you drunkenly trip and break the strap on your sandal. You know, FYI.